Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
