that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
