Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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