the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
