If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
