im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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