and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
