Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
