not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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