we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
