can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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