Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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