somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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