Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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