You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
