i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize