Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
