just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I understand Curling. That high.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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