your thong is hanging out like whoa
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
