so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
