new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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