Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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