I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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