Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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