A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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