Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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