The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
