I've blown a few things in my day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
