he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
