I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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