I wish my penis had an off switch
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
