When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
