i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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