somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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