living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
