barbara walters just said penis...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
