I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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