judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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