He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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