How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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