sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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