We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
