Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
