FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
