Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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