i think i have two assholes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
