No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
