I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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