my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
