found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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