I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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