You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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