i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
