I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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