They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
