why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Come share oat with me in your robe
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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