it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize