I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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