I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize