4 words: hood of his car
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
