It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
