I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
