Need sex. Gaining weight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
