what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
