I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
