I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
