i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
