its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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