I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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