i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
