Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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