his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
