Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
