how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
